The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
