Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I intend to get homeless drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
