Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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