Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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