i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
