He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
