Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
