I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
