my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
