hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
