I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
