youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
