didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
