Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
