Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i out mim tonsoeep
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