I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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