yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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