Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
