I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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