he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
