If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
