If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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