dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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