You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
