If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
