Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
