Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
