we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
