I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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