I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
