you would pick up someone in the library
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
