on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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