Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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