she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
