It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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