We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
