Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
