i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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