When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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