if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
