If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
