Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
