Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
