it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
