Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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