Apparently you make a good broom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
