its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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