I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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