At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
