Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
